The Light in the Shadow

What is that impulse that makes us do things at a spin of sec.... All plans all decisions go undone. The impulse is the one that wins in that split of second. 

The state of zero-ness and stillness is the one when you have lost your self... the self 

May be the presence of beloved is bliss in itself, but the beloved has no role . Its the projection of one's own love that is making these moments blissful... Release the self from love .. let the freedom come. Let the love be free and a untrapped self.... a spirit that is just unseparated from the container, untouched like the oil drop that floats around from one part of the vessel to the other part of the vessel... the soul would rise to the ecstasy of unlimited happiness, and the separation with the self would take the soul away... some what farther than one could think of.

Does the smile depend on whether or not the beloved is next to you? The self this moment knows to the best that there is no love present from the side of the beloved. But is that a reason for sorrow or grief. The grief is not associated in this moment of bliss. This is the acceptance of the hurt as if the soul was injured when the body was snatched away. 

What is there to pull, what is there to feel a frown on. Is love about pulling or struggle, or irritation or questioning the beloved? The bliss is to be there present by identifying the reason of the injury to the self. Why do we feel sad on the self, why this pull? Why this wait for acceptance.. why this struggle for hearing that we are loved?

A baby in my house ran to the door listening to the voice of her mother standing at the other end of the entrance door, just then the father deviated his drive for his mother by showing him a mobile which made the baby forget the mother and started following the mobile, something like the self which had to love someone, but the object was not important, and so deviation did not decrease the intensity of the drive for loving. Whether it was the attention getting poured to the mobile instead of the mother. 

Why do we identify ourselves with others. Why cant we be senseless sometimes. Why should only logical beings be praised. Why do we have to run away from our selves in the fear of being stabbed by others at the moment when they know what we are. Are we not mocking with ourselves just to escape the mockery of others. We could not live anyways. Neither completely the way others wanted us to, and no way the way we wanted to. 

The external self matters to us more than ourselves.. Can't I live some moments with myself.... the way I am... the beliefs I have.... We are relative to others. The acceptance or denials matter more that they should in any scenario. This moment I may not make any sense to anyone other than me, but can’t this sensless self of mine be open in the crowd and say that yes, here I am the most illogical self.... the self who does not know what he is saying or writing.... the self image ... all I am is defined by the person in front of me. 

The absolute entity in us does not exist anymore, the self is in search of the its image every second in the pupils of the eyes looking at us, seldom looking into the mirror to ask the self if it identifies us. 

Recently on a evening spent with a dear friend, I got a similar insight. She said ..." why do we look for a person to complete/complement us after marriage.... why cant two complete persons spend the life together... why is the complementation needed... " 

That's the reason why the separation of love hurts.... May be due to this very reason of incompleteness that moment, We have shared the self with someone, so both are the aspects of the same entity now, like two born twins who are attached to each other at birth... any operation done with as much expertise, can not defer the fact that the separation is going to hurt. The separation is going to bleed too.... but that is the fun as per all, that until and unless you have lost the self to someone, what is the worth of love.... 

But, still the mind wonders, why does the self need to loose it's self.... were we made like this only.. an incomplete being which has to search for the completeness in others, in the pupil of the person in front of him.... Is it that we were made incomplete or is it that we don’t make enough effort in discovering the completeness of the self. The completeness that is unmoved... the completeness which is like a river flowing. Flowing in completeness... Branches may meet it, but none of them complete it. Its complete in itself. 

So it will be like a companion... the journey is long, and we are prepared for the voyage by self... any one en-route is a companion, seldom a support.... A companion with whom we may talk , we may smile with but not loose our self to, not share our weight on or share the burden of the self.... so the journey is of a complete soul which is busy walking and heading towards its goal each step.... a side-walker can come along, but should neither himself share the burden nor should be a support to the other, rather just a companion. 

May be it is the way we were made... one dependent on the other.. the body dependent on breath, and we dependent on love.... the breath leaves the body and the body is dead... and the love leaves the self and we are dead..... 

May the body learn to live without the breath... the day will come soon :) 

 

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